Me: <sits on couch eating hummus and pita bread, watching TV>
Boyfriend: <makes bed in adjacent room>
Me: <jumps up suddenly, runs into bedroom, and dives under sheet onto the bed, just as the sheet is floating down toward the bed after its final flap>
Boyfriend: <continues to make bed silently as I lay on my stomach, legs sticking out from underneath the sheet>
Me: <laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs>
Five minutes later…
Me (out from under the covers, back on the couch, still cry-laughing): How come you don’t think I’m as funny as I am?
Pete Holmes being my probably-soulmate.
We are so behind.
We’re adults, but, like…adult cats. Someone should probably take care of us, but we can sort of make it on our own.
- my roommate, on the question “are we adults” (via disjunct)
recent studies reveal that 100% of abortions are performed on women who do not wish to be pregnant and 0% of abortions are performed on conservative republican men
Happy Ru Year!
You should watch this if you enjoy feeling as though your heart might just pack its bags and leave your body up through your throat and out your mouth because what’s even the point when something like this can happen in real life.